Ask a Death Doula

5 Tips on How to Care for Someone Who is Dying

1. Be Present [2:47] – The magic is in the present moment. Be fully present - not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Most of us don’t live in the present moment. Focus on what’s in front of you – what do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel in your heart? If you are fully present, you will get everything you need to know how to be of service to a person at end of life. People may say they’re fine, but if you really observe in the moment, you will know the truth. Trust your “knowing.” If your mind is all over the place, you can’t lean into your intuition properly. Ground your energy and quiet your mind before entering the room with a patient so you can be settled and truly present in the moment for that person.

 

2. Meet the Person "Where They Are" Emotionally [6:35] – Many people are in crisis by the time they reach out for end-of-life support services. End of life has three phases – the Shock Phase, the Stabilization Phase, and the Transition Phase. It’s in the Shock Phase – the initial period following someone getting a terminal diagnosis that everything is so intense. There could be many emotions present and there usually are. Anger, withdrawal, sometimes even humor as a defensive mechanism comes into the fold - and denial is also a really big one. So, when I say, “meet people where they are emotionally” it has to be perfect to where they are and how they’re presenting – this is not about our agenda, it’s about them. If people are angry, sad, or all over the place – just meet people where they are at that moment and work from that point forward. There is that initial space where everyone is in shock – let them go on their journey and give them time to process it. It’s really important for us to show up and be of service to people in this moment and of course through the whole journey.

 

 

3. Don't Judge [8:54] – This is a pillar of the Doulagivers practice. Don’t judge what’s happening. This is not only for the person at end of life, but also for their “nucleus” – the people in their inner circle who are deeply affected by what is going on. Everyone is having their own experience during end of life, and everyone might be having a different experience. There is no judgment at the end of life – this is a universal law I have learned from working with my patients over the decades. End of life is hard – we don’t have full context on anybody’s life and it’s important to remember that everyone is doing the best they can with where they are on their journey. Things can get really intense at the end of life, so always remove judgment from the situation.

 

4. Be of Service [10:57] – Set your intention to be of service. You don’t have to figure it all out or have an agenda. Simply ask yourself, “how may I show up to be of the highest service – to this family, to this work, to the world, and to myself?” When you go in, just be present and have the open heart to be of service in the whole dynamic and see what comes into you. Don’t push – flow. Be of service and bear witness to this person’s experience – you’re not here to fix it or direct and take over. You’re here to be present with no judgment, with an open heart, and to be of the highest service – that is the best medicine we can give one another. When you show up to be of the highest service, it allows for this energetic place that’s really organic for the end of life where beautiful things can be processed, accepted, brought to light, and people can find peace. If you do this, you’ll be in a great position to help somebody.

 

 

5. Practice Self-Care [12:48] – This is for you. When caring for those at end of life, caregivers can put themselves last and not want to take time off. You have to plan on the long haul – we don’t know how much time we have at the end of life. We want it to be as positive an experience as possible, and it can be. Part of that is making sure that the caregiver is getting enough sleep, nutrition, and having some down time so that they can be fully present for their loved one (or client as a Doulagiver). People are in fight or flight mode at this time – we have to prioritize our health. Having a few hours off is best - but doing as little as taking ten minutes to walk in nature or get sun on your face can do a world of good. An hour or two of respite is very important – ask someone to cover a shift for you so that you can take a nap or just have a break. Also make sure you are getting adequate water and nutrition intake. I understand that during this time people may not want to eat or have time to prepare full meals, but this is critically important for the health and balance of your body. In order to take care of others, we must take care of ourselves. If you allow yourself to burnout, you won’t be able to provide optimal care.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “If you are fully present, you will get everything you need to know to be of service to a person at the end of life.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

2. “Simply ask yourself, ‘how may I show up to be of the highest service – to this family, to this work, to the world, and to myself?’” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources: Please share these free community resources with a friend and help us change the world together. xoxoxo Suzanne

FREE LIVE LEVEL 1 End of Life Doula Training - Register Here: Register Here

JOIN OUR FREE LIFE CAFE Every Wednesday at 12pm ET – Register Here

Please Rate & Review this Podcast! xoxoxo Suzanne

Self Care for Doulas- and Everyone!

When you practice self-care, you are caring for everyone else. The better version of you – the healthier, the happier, the more vibrant you are – the better you will care in all areas of your life.

It’s so important. In this episode of Ask a Death Doula, I will share with you the vital importance of daily self care in all four bodies of energy. The time to implement self care is not when you feel stressed out, It is key to incorporate it ahead of time. Understanding what you need to nourish your beautiful being is easier than you think- and will make ALL the difference in the world in how you enjoy life every single day.

In this episode, you will learn:

1. The Four Bodies of Energy [1:50] – You are composed of four bodies of energy within you. The Physical Body, The Mental Body (your analytical mind), The Emotional Body (feelings, traumas, etc.), and The Spiritual Body. These bodies of energy exist in equal parts. Working with those at the end of life has taught me everything about how to live and there is a spiritual body of energy that is an inner peace, inner knowing, higher consciousness that exists in each and every one of us – the problem is we don’t connect to it. We don’t practice strengthening it. But if you do recognize it and nurture it, your life will become much more joyful and in flow. It’s not a religion, but a spiritual connection to a higher frequency and energetic consciousness. It’s important to understand the four bodies of energies when talking about self-care because each one of those bodies of energy needs to be nourished individually and they have different needs. Being “in balance” is meeting the needs of all four bodies of energy.

 

2. Balancing Stress Hormones [7:45] – We are living in a world where stress is dominates our lives. We are constantly bombarded by stress – through the television, social media, world events – it’s very intense. The energy, anger, and fear will affect us in many ways. Stress hormones kick out and cause inflammation in our bodies – they can be produced by your environment, your mental state, and by what you eat. Stress hormones were designed to protect us in an acute, immediate crisis, such as a car accident, to help us respond quickly and hopefully avoid danger or bodily harm in a situation. In our world today, we have a baseline of stress hormones circulating in our bodies constantly because we’re subjected to so much stress on so many levels. This can manifest itself in fatigue, aches and pains, and other symptoms that are detrimental to our well-being. But there’s good news – just being aware of this and having the ability to return yourself to homeostasis for even short periods of time is critical for your health. You can do this with simple habits: start your day with intention-setting and mindfulness through meditation and practicing gratitude. Walking in nature is another one of my favorite ways to ground myself. Deep breathing is also very effective. Use these to help mitigate all the stress you are under.

 

3. Being Proactive [10:35] – The key to all of this is not to wait until you are experiencing negative symptoms to start your self-care practices. We have to try to prioritize these at all times. Life can get busy or in the way, but make sure to be aware of your stress levels before they climb to unmanageable levels.

 

 

4. Daily Practice [11:24] – Focus on small things you can incorporate in your daily routine to keep homeostasis within your four bodies of energy so that you can have a buffer and hopefully never get to a place where stress overwhelms you and makes you feel sick. It will also allow your daily life to be so much more joyful. Think about making sure you hydrate yourself first thing in the morning and think of ways to make sure you’re getting greens and other nutritionally dense food sources into your diet. Making small changes and incorporating little things into your day will have really great benefits to your health and happiness over time. Developing good habits has a compounding ripple effect across all areas of your life. Start with something small that you can manage right now, and you will feel inspired to take that next step in the right direction. Having moments where you can sit in silence and connect to your spiritual self is incredibly important to do on a daily basis. Connect with yourself, with nature, with animals, with sending love to all people – these small things that feed your bodies of energy can and will make a huge difference in your life.

 

5. The Four Body System [13:55] – There are two periods of the day that are wonderful times to expand your mind. The first is when you’re waking up in the morning. Before you jump out of bed, take a minute to slow down. Take this beautiful space from sleep to starting the day to practice self-care. We’re a little dreamy still and before you get going for the day, check in with yourself and take a few deep breaths. The other optimal time to do this is at night before bed when you’re winding down from the day. I recommend all Doulagivers practice “The Four Body System” – a practice that takes only 5 to 10 minutes each day. It is a way of connecting to your four bodies of energy and over time it will become second nature to you. Processing and releasing will put you into a place of flow – it will bring magic and miracles into your life. It is a beautiful place to be, and it is open to each and every one of us.

 

Physical Body – How am I feeling? What’s happening? Do I have any aches and pains anywhere? Is my body tired? Am I feeling dehydrated? Ask your body what it needs.

 

Mental Body – Am I stressed? Am I worried? Am I anxious? Really check in with yourself. You are the caretaker of you. Figure out how you can take time for yourself and organize your thoughts.

 

Emotional Body – How is my heart? I think all of our hearts are heavy at the moment watching and seeing what is going on in the world and knowing so many others are suffering. So, ask yourself how your heart is and what you need to heal emotionally – forgiveness is your greatest tool for this. Is there something you can be forgiven for or give forgiveness to someone else for?

 

Spiritual Body – Do I feel connected? Have I been committed to my practices? Strengthen your spiritual body by using gratitude, meditating for a few minutes, or connecting to the earth and mother nature.  

 

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Working with those at the end of life has taught me everything about how to live and there is a spiritual body of energy that is an inner peace, inner knowing, and higher consciousness that exists in each and every one of us – the problem is we don’t connect to it. We don’t practice strengthening it. But if you do recognize it and nurture it, your life will become much more joyful and in flow.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

PLEASE SHARE THE NEXT FREE LEVEL 1 END OF LIFE DOULA TRAINING ON MAY 19th at 7pm ET WITH A FRIEND! Here is the link: Click here

 Together- we are changing the world! xoxoxo Suzanne ❤️😘

 

 

Resources: Get the FREE Death Doula Guide HERE

Please Rate & Review this Podcast!!

xoxoxo Suzanne 

 

National Death Doula Day April 20th!!

Today is National Death Doula Day and we are celebrating with a very special podcast and free family caregiver training!

 

Death used to be revered as a sacred part of our life’s journey. It is only within the last 100 years that we've absolutely removed the end of life from being a natural component of our lives. 

 

This removal of end of life has, in my opinion, caused death to become 1,000 times more difficult for both patients and family members. 

 

End of life can be a positive and sacred experience. It is with the right education, kindness, and support that we can have the end of life go well for every person - everywhere in the world.

 

Due to current reimbursement structures, mainstream medical is only able to supply a certain amount of time and support for patients and families at the end of life - but end of life is 24/7 and the need for more support in this area of care is extremely great. 

 

“The minute we put a dollar amount and a time limit on dying, we're doing something wrong.” - Suzanne B. O’Brien RN 

 

Doulagivers/Death Doulas are non-medical holistic practitioners that care for somebody who is dying physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The Doulagiver/Death Doula is filling in the gaps in mainstream medical and can support not only the patient and family but the Hospice Care Team as well. It is a win/win/win addition to end of life care! 

 

In this episode of Ask a Death Doula, we will cover:

 

1. The History of the Death Doula Movement

2. Why We Need Doulagivers/Death Doulas

3. How Hospice is Working with Doulagivers/Death Doulas to Provide the Best End of Life Experiences for Patients and Families.

4. What Death Doula Day is and How You Can Celebrate It

 

Listen to the Full Podcast HERE:   https://youtu.be/ONAvdqyDfFM

 

What is National Death Doula Day? The day is set aside for Death Doulas to engage with their communities by bringing awareness to the profession and benefits for patients and families. An End-of-Life Doula is a non-medical person trained to care for someone holistically (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) at the end of life. End of Life Doulas are also known around the world as: Doulagivers, End of Life Coaches, Soul Midwives, Transition Guides, Death Coaches, Death Doulas, Doula to the Dying, Death Midwives, Thanadoula, and End of Life Guides.

National Death Doula Day is a day where we recognize the positive impact these individuals can have during the end-of-life process. 

This day was created to raise awareness about the profession of Death Doulas and how they can benefit patients and families at the end of life. Death Doulas provide the additional support that families need in order to feel comfortable with taking care of their dying loved one at home. They are non-medical professionals that provide holistic support for the dying and their loved ones before, during, and after death. Trained in the various end of life stages, a Doulagiver is able to assist the family with understanding the natural processes of death while providing comfort and support through these processes. This is the day where all Death Doulas can rise together and be a voice for social change for end of life care - ensuring everyone has the most positive passing possible.

How should this day be celebrated or observed? On Death Doula Day we encourage the conversation about the profession of Death Doulas. This can be done anywhere, and in any way you feel comfortable. Have fun with it! 

 

Post/Tweet/Market/Share, have a discussion panel, show a documentary, give a training, host a Death Café – anything to do with end of life.

 

Here are two articles you can share to your social media to help spread awareness!

 

HOSPICE TIMES ARTICLE

 

TIME MAGAZINE ARTICLE

 

End of life is a human experience -  not a medical one. With the right education, kindness, and support, end of life can be the sacred, positive experience it was meant to be. 

 

In Love & Service, 

Suzanne B. O’Brien RN 

 

P.S. The FREE Doulagivers Level 1 End of Life Doula LIVE Webinar Training is TONIGHT at 7pm ET in honor of National Death Doula Day and Doulagivers World Training Day! 

 

We invite you and anyone you would like to share this event with to attend and we cannot wait to see you there! 

 

REGISTER HERE!

World Training Day Interview with Doulagivers Thailand Lead Trainers

The goal of the International Doulagivers Institute is to support communities worldwide with free end-of-life doula community caregiver training. Doulagivers International recognizes that education and engagement are the keys to a peaceful passing. One of the organization's key initiatives is Death Doula Training for Families via their Annual World Training Day event - a free public education program that empowers families and takes the fear out of the end of life.

 

One of our greatest examples of just who worldwide this initiative and movement is can be found in looking to our Doulagivers Thailand Lead Trainers. In 2019, I had the pleasure of traveling all over the beautiful country of Thailand teaching the Doulagivers Level 1 and Family Caregiver Training to hundreds of people. Even more amazing is that we have an established group of Doulagivers Lead Trainers there who continue teaching these skills and education to the people of Thailand in partnership with the country’s Ministry of Health!

 

In this week’s episode of the Ask a Death Doula Podcast, you will listen to an incredible interview with Doulagivers Thailand Lead Trainers!!!

 

In this episode, you will hear:

 

1)    How we all met (there are no accidents!)

 

2)    The 14 Trainings we did together in 2019 in Thailand

 

3)    How Jim was called to single-handedly run the COVID unit during the height of the Pandemic in Thailand

 

4)    How Jim and Dusty have continued Doulagivers trainings in Thailand through Thailand’s Ministry of Health

 

5)    How when we come together in support, compassion, and kindness - we truly change the world.

 

Please share this podcast with those you love!

Join Doulagivers World Training Day Webinar HERE: https://fb.me/e/3gAjfRd4g

Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE: https://www.doulagivers.com/death-doula-guide-2/

 

xoxoxo Suzanne

 

 

When you find your path and purpose in life- everything makes sense

I believe that this is the true purpose of this life’s journey. To find what your gift is to share in this world and make it a better place for everyone in it. 

This can ONlY come from listening to your heart. Where is it calling you to go, and then having the courage to do it. 

You are the ONLY one that knows what your purpose is and you are the ONlY one that can make it happen.

In this week’s podcast, I have the great pleasure of interviewing Amy McLaren and we talk all about her new book

It’s called Passion to Purpose: A Seven-Step Journey to Shed Self-Doubt, Find Inspiration, and Change Your Life (and the World) for the Better.

 

Imagine if everyone took a few minutes each day to make the world a better place using their unique talents fueled their deepest passions. What an amazing world we would live in! This book is your guide to discovering your passion, living your purpose, and making a positive impact on the world. Amy passion for world travel and education kick-started her journey from unfulfilled schoolteacher to the purpose-driven founder of Village Impact, a charity that provides education for nearly 5,000 kids in Kenya in partnership with local communities. She’s also building a luxury Airbnb business and leads Lady Strength, an online community of driven and passionate women seeking to design their best life.

 

 

In This Podcast, you will hear:

 

Big Ideas:

 

The Importance of Planting Seeds [2:00]

 

Finding Your Purpose [5:06]

 

How to Plant Seeds for Others [17:30]

 

Give Every Day [20:35]

 

Forget Perfection [24:35]

 

 

 

 

I know in my heart of hearts that everyone has a gift and is here for a reason.

 It is our job to find what that gift is and then share it with the world.

 

Whatever fuels your passion in life- that IS your gift to share.

 

Let’s make the world a better place for every single person in it.

 

 

 

Xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask a Death Doula Podcast: Passion to Purpose with Amy McLaren

Big Ideas:

Finding Your Purpose [5:06] – As an elementary school teacher, Amy enjoyed her life, but knew that she wasn’t fulfilled. She felt called to helping others internationally and it led her to forming her mission to help build schools for children affected by conflict in Kenya. She always had a passion for traveling the world and was able to channel her entrepreneurial work to feed that passion. There was a sense inside her that her life needed a change, and she followed that inspiration to create the life of her dreams. We all have to start somewhere, and when you feel pulled to a new direction in life, you have to act on it because you are the only person who can do that for yourself. I experienced the same “calling” during my nursing career and following that inspiration led to creating Doulagivers and having such a wonderful impact in the world. When you start sharing your inspiration with other people, you attract others into your life who want to help you succeed.

Imagine if everyone took a few minutes each day to make the world a better place using their unique talents fueled their deepest passions. What an amazing world we would live in! This book is your guide to discovering your passion, living your purpose, and making a positive impact on the world. Amy passion for world travel and education kick-started her journey from unfulfilled schoolteacher to the purpose-driven founder of Village Impact, a charity that provides education for nearly 5,000 kids in Kenya in partnership with local communities. She’s also building a luxury Airbnb business and leads Lady Strength, an online community of driven and passionate women seeking to design their best life.

In This Podcast, we will talk about:

The Importance of Planting Seeds [2:00]

Finding Your Purpose [5:06]

How to Plant Seeds for Others [17:30]

Give Every Day [20:35]

Forget Perfection [24:35]

Get the book Passion to PurposeHERE:

https://amymclaren.com/passion-to-pur...

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE:

https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP AND TRAINING SITE HERE:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...

Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel!

Please Rate & Review the Podcast!!!

xoxoxo

Suzanne

How To Choose The Right Health Care Proxy for You

Big Ideas:

What is a Health Care Proxy? [00:20] – There is a document called an Advance Directive. It is split into two parts – a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy. The Living Will states what you want or what you don’t want in terms of care if you were to become terminally ill. The Health Care Proxy is a person appointed by you to speak your wishes listed in the Living Will for you in the event that you become incapacitated and cannot speak for yourself. Depending on what state you live in, a Health Care Proxy may also be known as a Health Care Surrogate, or a Health Care Power of Attorney. The role of this person remains the same regardless of what title is used where you live. Doulagivers Pearl: an Advance Directive is known as a legal document, but it is NOT 100% legally binding. People sometimes think that if they have completed this step that they are completely covered – but that is unfortunately not necessarily true. If a doctor does not agree with the instructions set forth in your Advance Directive, they do not have to legally follow it and the law is on their side. The other issue is that people who have filled out an Advance Directive often do not know where it is when they need it – it does not do us any good if we don’t have it ready. There are ways around this, and we will be discussing them. It is written in many places that the Health Care Proxy is the person that will make medical decisions for you if you cannot make them for yourself – this is incorrect. The Health Care Proxy is the person you have chosen to speak the decisions you have already made in your Living Will if you cannot communicate your wishes yourself for any reason. There is a huge difference.

How to Choose a Health Care Proxy [4:04] – If the person you would like to be your Health Care Proxy is not comfortable with what you have chosen, they should not be your Health Care Proxy. Why? It’s not fair to them to be put under that kind of stress. Secondly, if they’re not comfortable with your choices – it’s already very difficult to discuss things with doctors who may have different things they want to try, or think are better choices. This is usually a fast-paced crisis time when these conversations are taking place and if you do not have someone who is steadfast and grounded in their obligation to uphold your wishes – there is a good chance that they won’t. Your Health Care Proxy does not need to be a relative. There is a lot of room to choose one that is right for you. They need to be comfortable with what you’re choosing – so tell them why you’re choosing the things you are. Explain it to them. As difficult as it may be to hear, this is the time to give them the rationale behind your wishes – this will make it much more likely that your wishes will be supported later on. The person that you are trusting to speak those decisions for you needs to have a clear understanding of why you want them. You want your Health Care Proxy to be in geographical proximity to where you live, and you also always want to have two so that there is a backup available in case your primary Health Care Proxy is unavailable.

Health Care Proxy Mixers [10:37] – This is a dream/vision of mine in which a group of people who are interested in being Health Care Proxies for one another get together to fill this need. I think this would be a great idea because we currently have an Eldercare Crisis and there is a huge number of the elderly who do not have family. I hear from them all of the time and they are very concerned about who is going to be their Health Care Proxy. We want people to have peace of mind and to know that we’re in this together. For that reason, I think this idea will be useful so that elderly (or anyone) can have the opportunity to get to know each other, share ideas and philosophies, talk about what they would want or not want at the end of life and provide a space for people to explore this subject and then decide to fill that Health Care Proxy role for each other.

Memorable Quotes:

 “It is written in many places that a Health Care Proxy is the person you choose to make medical decisions for you if you’re unable to speak for yourself. That is untrue. They’re not making the decisions - you are. There’s a big difference there.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

“We have an Eldercare Crisis and many elderly people do not have children or family. I hear them say all the time, ‘Suzanne, who is going to care for me? Who is going to speak for me? Who is going to be there for me at my end of life because I don’t have any family?’ We’ve got to find ways to support people.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE: https://www.doulagivers.com/death-doula-guide-2/

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP AND TRAINING SITE HERE: https://www.facebook.com/groups/4491664174178077

Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel! Please Rate & Review the Podcast!!! xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask A Death Doula Podcast: How to Choose the Right Health Care Proxy for You

Big Ideas:

What is a Health Care Proxy? [00:20] – There is a document called an Advance Directive. It is split into two parts – a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy. The Living Will states what you want or what you don’t want in terms of care if you were to become terminally ill. The Health Care Proxy is a person appointed by you to speak your wishes listed in the Living Will for you in the event that you become incapacitated and cannot speak for yourself. Depending on what state you live in, a Health Care Proxy may also be known as a Health Care Surrogate, or a Health Care Power of Attorney. The role of this person remains the same regardless of what title is used where you live. Doulagivers Pearl: an Advance Directive is known as a legal document, but it is NOT 100% legally binding. People sometimes think that if they have completed this step that they are completely covered – but that is unfortunately not necessarily true. If a doctor does not agree with the instructions set forth in your Advance Directive, they do not have to legally follow it and the law is on their side. The other issue is that people who have filled out an Advance Directive often do not know where it is when they need it – it does not do us any good if we don’t have it ready. There are ways around this, and we will be discussing them. It is written in many places that the Health Care Proxy is the person that will make medical decisions for you if you cannot make them for yourself – this is incorrect. The Health Care Proxy is the person you have chosen to speak the decisions you have already made in your Living Will if you cannot communicate your wishes yourself for any reason. There is a huge difference.

 

How to Choose a Health Care Proxy [4:04] – If the person you would like to be your Health Care Proxy is not comfortable with what you have chosen, they should not be your Health Care Proxy. Why? It’s not fair to them to be put under that kind of stress. Secondly, if they’re not comfortable with your choices – it’s already very difficult to discuss things with doctors who may have different things they want to try, or think are better choices. This is usually a fast-paced crisis time when these conversations are taking place and if you do not have someone who is steadfast and grounded in their obligation to uphold your wishes – there is a good chance that they won’t. Your Health Care Proxy does not need to be a relative. There is a lot of room to choose one that is right for you. They need to be comfortable with what you’re choosing – so tell them why you’re choosing the things you are. Explain it to them. As difficult as it may be to hear, this is the time to give them the rationale behind your wishes – this will make it much more likely that your wishes will be supported later on. The person that you are trusting to speak those decisions for you needs to have a clear understanding of why you want them. You want your Health Care Proxy to be in geographical proximity to where you live, and you also always want to have two so that there is a backup available in case your primary Health Care Proxy is unavailable.

 

Health Care Proxy Mixers [10:37] – This is a dream/vision of mine in which a group of people who are interested in being Health Care Proxies for one another get together to fill this need. I think this would be a great idea because we currently have an Eldercare Crisis and there is a huge number of the elderly who do not have family. I hear from them all of the time and they are very concerned about who is going to be their Health Care Proxy. We want people to have peace of mind and to know that we’re in this together. For that reason, I think this idea will be useful so that elderly (or anyone) can have the opportunity to get to know each other, share ideas and philosophies, talk about what they would want or not want at the end of life and provide a space for people to explore this subject and then decide to fill that Health Care Proxy role for each other.

 

Memorable Quotes:

“It is written in many places that a Health Care Proxy is the person you choose to make medical decisions for you if you’re unable to speak for yourself. That is untrue. They’re not making the decisions - you are. There’s a big difference there.”

– Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

“We have an Eldercare Crisis and many elderly people do not have children or family. I hear them say all the time, ‘Suzanne, who is going to care for me? Who is going to speak for me? Who is going to be there for me at my end of life because I don’t have any family?’ We’ve got to find ways to support people.”

– Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

Resources:

Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE:

https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP AND TRAINING SITE HERE:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...

 

Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel!

Please Rate & Review the Podcast!!!

 

xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask A Death Doula Podcast: What is a Shared Death Experience?

Big Ideas:

1.What is a Shared Death Experience [6:56] – A shared death experience occurs when somebody is dying and a caregiver, loved one, or a bystander feels like they shared in that person’s transition. In some cases, this person will observe the initial stages of the afterlife – where they see the dying person there or sense that it is where they are going. It is sharing the journey of the experience with the dying person. It is the movement from this human experience through the portal of death to another realm of existence and the observer feels like they shared in that journey.

 

2.There are 4 Types of Shared Death Experiences [8:49] – These are “modes of participation” for the experiencer. There are four ways a person can feel themselves in the shared death experience. The first and most common type is sensing. Sensing that a loved one or some person is transitioning. It can be bedside but is most commonly remote. You can be halfway around the world and have a sense that someone you love is dying. It is usually highly energetic and intuitive – a knowing that you feel in your gut. The second type is witnessing phenomena related to death or death itself. Witnessing the dying person in this stage of transition or elevated beings/heavenly realms in the form of luminous light, etc. The third mode of participation is accompanying. You can accompany or move along with the dying person on the pathway to the afterlife. The last and final mode is guiding. The experiencer reports that they were brought into the experience to guide the dying along their pathway.

 

3. Pre-Death Dreams, Visions, and Visitations [14:44] – Research provided by Dr. Christopher Kerr from the Buffalo inpatient Hospice says that 80% of his patients have a pre-death dream or vision. The term “dream” is used loosely – these usually come in the form of visitations from deceased loved ones that is observed by the caregiver (the patient is telling them they see the person or is having a conversation with them). At some point, the death of the person begins and the journey to transition starts. Often the messaging from these visitations to the dying person is to “get ready.” The shared death experience begins when that journey begins. The science of physics supports the fact that energy cannot be destroyed – it can only change forms.

 

4. The Benefits to the World of Bringing Back the Sacredness of End-of-Life Experiences [20:00] – Acknowledging death as a natural part of life can bring us closer together as communities and families. The awareness of death can allow us to communicate, connect, and express ourselves more effectively. It allows us to love each other with death as part of life instead of something we ignore. To gain the perspective of life being a gift, we must hold death in our minds. Death is as integral to life as birth is and we need to honor it is a society. The approach to death in modern society is not natural. It is a protracted, inefficient, and unhealthy response to the fear of death. Anything we can do to bring death and all its grandeur back into the fold of our conversations and everyday life, the better the benefits could be for all of us.

 

5. Death Changes Our Lives [24:30] – When I got into nursing, I realized how end of life was not going well for people. I transitioned into hospice care thinking it would be better – but it wasn’t. I thought to myself, “How in the world did something that is 100% guaranteed in our journey become so far removed and so feared?” It took a year and a half of my nursing career before I saw a beautiful death and I realized that if people knew how beautiful it could be that they would never be afraid – and that started my journey. We are all so much more similar than we think. It doesn’t matter where you live in the world, how much money you have, what color you are, or what religion you practice – we all die the same way. We all have the same humanity within us. If we just absorbed the fact that we are so much more similar than different and brought that awareness into the world today it would be a game changer. Death has taught me that time is our most valuable commodity, and that life is about connection, not the goals we pursue. Death is not a medical experience, it’s a human one. If we bring that perspective back into our society and take a holistic approach to it, we can really change the way end of life goes for everyone in the world.

 

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xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask A Death Doula Podcast: Forgiveness Will Set You Free with Suzanne O’Brien RN

Big Ideas:

1. The Definition of Forgiveness [1:29] – Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing someone else’s actions. We are all responsible for our actions. We have all done things we are not proud of – making mistakes is part of the human experience. The biggest thing you can do is take ownership of your mistakes and have the humility to ask for forgiveness. Chances are that you were doing the best you could with where you were and with what you had to work with at the time. It does not excuse your actions, but it does explain them. By looking at things from a higher perspective, we can then begin to heal them and let them go. Forgiveness is your key in this life’s journey for transformation and healing. Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing anyone’s behavior or actions, but rather, removing your energetic attachment to their behavior and actions.

 

2. The Energetic Cost of Anger and Resentment [5:00] – It takes a lot of energy to be angry and resentful towards other people. If someone hurt you in the past and you hold onto that hurt every day and it boils over into anger, it is draining your energetic bank account. When you forgive, it sets you free. You have to understand that forgiveness is for you, not for the other person. It’s allowing you to break those mental and emotional chains that are holding you back from living the life of peace you deserve. There is not one person in the world that doesn’t have forgiveness to give or to receive. There are usually many layers on many different topics that have occurred over the course of our life that require forgiveness for us to find closure.

 

 

3. The Stabilization Phase and Forgiveness [6:12] – Remember that this knowledge and wisdom I am sharing with you comes from many people at the end of life. The Doulagivers 3 Phases of End of Life Care Model breaks the dying process into 3 phases (The Shock Phase, The Stabilization Phase, and The Transition Phase). I refer to the Stabilization Phase as the “Work Phase.” This is because this is where people will take inventory of their lives and conduct a life review. This is the moment where forgiveness is going to play a role and where they will have the opportunity to give and receive it. Those who have this phase and utilize it for this purpose have the most beautiful end of life experiences. Forgiveness can bring about an energetic shift. It can make a patient light up as they remove the heaviness of anger and resentment from their lives.

 

4. Unforgiveness [7:28] - When we’re hurt by someone, that hurt forms into an energetic block that becomes frozen in time, and it gets stuck inside of us. We usually push these energetic blocks down below the surface so that we can live our daily lives – it is sometimes too painful for us to confront or process what has happened. This is especially true for children who were hurt by their parents or experienced other forms of childhood trauma. Unforgiveness creates blocked spaces within us and if not processed, healed, or released – will create pain, bad habits, destructive patterns, and unhappiness in our lives. The way to release this is through forgiveness. At the end of life there is a natural process in which the physical body is declining, and the spiritual body is growing – loving energy organically increases during this process which allows for a safe space to emerge that is defined by wisdom and a new perspective and the ability for the end-of-life patient to reflect on painful memories in a less traumatic way and to give and seek forgiveness. This is really powerful because it creates a ripple effect in the lives of others.

 

 

5. The Power of Forgiveness [10:37] – You can utilize the power of forgiveness right now to set yourself free and allow yourself to pursue whatever it is you want in life from this point moving forward. Unforgiveness holds you hostage – it keeps you a prisoner to the past and prevents you from moving forward and doing whatever you want. Forgiveness releases those energies and puts you back in control over your energy flow. Unforgiveness is an actual medical diagnosis. There is a huge connection with anger, pain, guilt, unforgiveness and physical illness. People have told me verbatim that they felt their cancer was the result of unforgiveness and trauma that they didn’t heal and didn’t process. While in Thailand, I visited a temple that was designed for those facing their end of life. There were four main things that they did to help heal themselves and make the most of their remaining time on this earth: they removed all sugar from their diet and ate a plant-based diet, they meditated, they moved the body through exercise, and they did a forgiveness practice. This included writing down what they wanted to receive forgiveness for and what they wanted to give forgiveness for. They would read this to the head of the temple and then had a ceremony to burn it. Many people at this temple told me they were the happiest they had ever been. It was about the freedom of forgiveness – being released from that internal prison and returning to a state of joyful flow, alignment, and connection. You and I can access this gift right now. It is not easy, and it is a process, but it can be done. You have to look at your past painful experiences through a non-judgmental perspective. Ask yourself what those experiences were trying to teach you. It is trying to reach a place where you can actually thank those who hurt you because they gave you an opportunity to accelerate your spiritual growth and look back at your experiences without them being so triggering to you. A place where you can look at those people who have hurt you through a lens of empathy and compassion. Understand that hurt people hurt people. It’s not excusing them or condoning their behavior – but understanding what was driving them so that you can transform your anger into empathy. That is how you can find forgiveness and set yourself free.

 

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Forgiveness is the golden key to everything. It’s the key to all the healing whether we’re holding on to shame, or guilt, or anger, or resentment. All of these things that are part of the human experience - forgiveness is the transformational tool.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

2. “There is not one person in this world that does not have forgiveness to give. There is not one person in this world that does not have forgiveness to receive.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN  

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xoxoxo Suzanne