Ask a Death Doula

National Death Doula Day April 20th!!

Today is National Death Doula Day and we are celebrating with a very special podcast and free family caregiver training!

 

Death used to be revered as a sacred part of our life’s journey. It is only within the last 100 years that we've absolutely removed the end of life from being a natural component of our lives. 

 

This removal of end of life has, in my opinion, caused death to become 1,000 times more difficult for both patients and family members. 

 

End of life can be a positive and sacred experience. It is with the right education, kindness, and support that we can have the end of life go well for every person - everywhere in the world.

 

Due to current reimbursement structures, mainstream medical is only able to supply a certain amount of time and support for patients and families at the end of life - but end of life is 24/7 and the need for more support in this area of care is extremely great. 

 

“The minute we put a dollar amount and a time limit on dying, we're doing something wrong.” - Suzanne B. O’Brien RN 

 

Doulagivers/Death Doulas are non-medical holistic practitioners that care for somebody who is dying physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The Doulagiver/Death Doula is filling in the gaps in mainstream medical and can support not only the patient and family but the Hospice Care Team as well. It is a win/win/win addition to end of life care! 

 

In this episode of Ask a Death Doula, we will cover:

 

1. The History of the Death Doula Movement

2. Why We Need Doulagivers/Death Doulas

3. How Hospice is Working with Doulagivers/Death Doulas to Provide the Best End of Life Experiences for Patients and Families.

4. What Death Doula Day is and How You Can Celebrate It

 

Listen to the Full Podcast HERE:   https://youtu.be/ONAvdqyDfFM

 

What is National Death Doula Day? The day is set aside for Death Doulas to engage with their communities by bringing awareness to the profession and benefits for patients and families. An End-of-Life Doula is a non-medical person trained to care for someone holistically (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) at the end of life. End of Life Doulas are also known around the world as: Doulagivers, End of Life Coaches, Soul Midwives, Transition Guides, Death Coaches, Death Doulas, Doula to the Dying, Death Midwives, Thanadoula, and End of Life Guides.

National Death Doula Day is a day where we recognize the positive impact these individuals can have during the end-of-life process. 

This day was created to raise awareness about the profession of Death Doulas and how they can benefit patients and families at the end of life. Death Doulas provide the additional support that families need in order to feel comfortable with taking care of their dying loved one at home. They are non-medical professionals that provide holistic support for the dying and their loved ones before, during, and after death. Trained in the various end of life stages, a Doulagiver is able to assist the family with understanding the natural processes of death while providing comfort and support through these processes. This is the day where all Death Doulas can rise together and be a voice for social change for end of life care - ensuring everyone has the most positive passing possible.

How should this day be celebrated or observed? On Death Doula Day we encourage the conversation about the profession of Death Doulas. This can be done anywhere, and in any way you feel comfortable. Have fun with it! 

 

Post/Tweet/Market/Share, have a discussion panel, show a documentary, give a training, host a Death Café – anything to do with end of life.

 

Here are two articles you can share to your social media to help spread awareness!

 

HOSPICE TIMES ARTICLE

 

TIME MAGAZINE ARTICLE

 

End of life is a human experience -  not a medical one. With the right education, kindness, and support, end of life can be the sacred, positive experience it was meant to be. 

 

In Love & Service, 

Suzanne B. O’Brien RN 

 

P.S. The FREE Doulagivers Level 1 End of Life Doula LIVE Webinar Training is TONIGHT at 7pm ET in honor of National Death Doula Day and Doulagivers World Training Day! 

 

We invite you and anyone you would like to share this event with to attend and we cannot wait to see you there! 

 

REGISTER HERE!

World Training Day Interview with Doulagivers Thailand Lead Trainers

The goal of the International Doulagivers Institute is to support communities worldwide with free end-of-life doula community caregiver training. Doulagivers International recognizes that education and engagement are the keys to a peaceful passing. One of the organization's key initiatives is Death Doula Training for Families via their Annual World Training Day event - a free public education program that empowers families and takes the fear out of the end of life.

 

One of our greatest examples of just who worldwide this initiative and movement is can be found in looking to our Doulagivers Thailand Lead Trainers. In 2019, I had the pleasure of traveling all over the beautiful country of Thailand teaching the Doulagivers Level 1 and Family Caregiver Training to hundreds of people. Even more amazing is that we have an established group of Doulagivers Lead Trainers there who continue teaching these skills and education to the people of Thailand in partnership with the country’s Ministry of Health!

 

In this week’s episode of the Ask a Death Doula Podcast, you will listen to an incredible interview with Doulagivers Thailand Lead Trainers!!!

 

In this episode, you will hear:

 

1)    How we all met (there are no accidents!)

 

2)    The 14 Trainings we did together in 2019 in Thailand

 

3)    How Jim was called to single-handedly run the COVID unit during the height of the Pandemic in Thailand

 

4)    How Jim and Dusty have continued Doulagivers trainings in Thailand through Thailand’s Ministry of Health

 

5)    How when we come together in support, compassion, and kindness - we truly change the world.

 

Please share this podcast with those you love!

Join Doulagivers World Training Day Webinar HERE: https://fb.me/e/3gAjfRd4g

Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE: https://www.doulagivers.com/death-doula-guide-2/

 

xoxoxo Suzanne

 

 

When you find your path and purpose in life- everything makes sense

I believe that this is the true purpose of this life’s journey. To find what your gift is to share in this world and make it a better place for everyone in it. 

This can ONlY come from listening to your heart. Where is it calling you to go, and then having the courage to do it. 

You are the ONLY one that knows what your purpose is and you are the ONlY one that can make it happen.

In this week’s podcast, I have the great pleasure of interviewing Amy McLaren and we talk all about her new book

It’s called Passion to Purpose: A Seven-Step Journey to Shed Self-Doubt, Find Inspiration, and Change Your Life (and the World) for the Better.

 

Imagine if everyone took a few minutes each day to make the world a better place using their unique talents fueled their deepest passions. What an amazing world we would live in! This book is your guide to discovering your passion, living your purpose, and making a positive impact on the world. Amy passion for world travel and education kick-started her journey from unfulfilled schoolteacher to the purpose-driven founder of Village Impact, a charity that provides education for nearly 5,000 kids in Kenya in partnership with local communities. She’s also building a luxury Airbnb business and leads Lady Strength, an online community of driven and passionate women seeking to design their best life.

 

 

In This Podcast, you will hear:

 

Big Ideas:

 

The Importance of Planting Seeds [2:00]

 

Finding Your Purpose [5:06]

 

How to Plant Seeds for Others [17:30]

 

Give Every Day [20:35]

 

Forget Perfection [24:35]

 

 

 

 

I know in my heart of hearts that everyone has a gift and is here for a reason.

 It is our job to find what that gift is and then share it with the world.

 

Whatever fuels your passion in life- that IS your gift to share.

 

Let’s make the world a better place for every single person in it.

 

 

 

Xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask a Death Doula Podcast: Passion to Purpose with Amy McLaren

Big Ideas:

Finding Your Purpose [5:06] – As an elementary school teacher, Amy enjoyed her life, but knew that she wasn’t fulfilled. She felt called to helping others internationally and it led her to forming her mission to help build schools for children affected by conflict in Kenya. She always had a passion for traveling the world and was able to channel her entrepreneurial work to feed that passion. There was a sense inside her that her life needed a change, and she followed that inspiration to create the life of her dreams. We all have to start somewhere, and when you feel pulled to a new direction in life, you have to act on it because you are the only person who can do that for yourself. I experienced the same “calling” during my nursing career and following that inspiration led to creating Doulagivers and having such a wonderful impact in the world. When you start sharing your inspiration with other people, you attract others into your life who want to help you succeed.

Imagine if everyone took a few minutes each day to make the world a better place using their unique talents fueled their deepest passions. What an amazing world we would live in! This book is your guide to discovering your passion, living your purpose, and making a positive impact on the world. Amy passion for world travel and education kick-started her journey from unfulfilled schoolteacher to the purpose-driven founder of Village Impact, a charity that provides education for nearly 5,000 kids in Kenya in partnership with local communities. She’s also building a luxury Airbnb business and leads Lady Strength, an online community of driven and passionate women seeking to design their best life.

In This Podcast, we will talk about:

The Importance of Planting Seeds [2:00]

Finding Your Purpose [5:06]

How to Plant Seeds for Others [17:30]

Give Every Day [20:35]

Forget Perfection [24:35]

Get the book Passion to PurposeHERE:

https://amymclaren.com/passion-to-pur...

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE:

https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP AND TRAINING SITE HERE:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...

Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel!

Please Rate & Review the Podcast!!!

xoxoxo

Suzanne

How To Choose The Right Health Care Proxy for You

Big Ideas:

What is a Health Care Proxy? [00:20] – There is a document called an Advance Directive. It is split into two parts – a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy. The Living Will states what you want or what you don’t want in terms of care if you were to become terminally ill. The Health Care Proxy is a person appointed by you to speak your wishes listed in the Living Will for you in the event that you become incapacitated and cannot speak for yourself. Depending on what state you live in, a Health Care Proxy may also be known as a Health Care Surrogate, or a Health Care Power of Attorney. The role of this person remains the same regardless of what title is used where you live. Doulagivers Pearl: an Advance Directive is known as a legal document, but it is NOT 100% legally binding. People sometimes think that if they have completed this step that they are completely covered – but that is unfortunately not necessarily true. If a doctor does not agree with the instructions set forth in your Advance Directive, they do not have to legally follow it and the law is on their side. The other issue is that people who have filled out an Advance Directive often do not know where it is when they need it – it does not do us any good if we don’t have it ready. There are ways around this, and we will be discussing them. It is written in many places that the Health Care Proxy is the person that will make medical decisions for you if you cannot make them for yourself – this is incorrect. The Health Care Proxy is the person you have chosen to speak the decisions you have already made in your Living Will if you cannot communicate your wishes yourself for any reason. There is a huge difference.

How to Choose a Health Care Proxy [4:04] – If the person you would like to be your Health Care Proxy is not comfortable with what you have chosen, they should not be your Health Care Proxy. Why? It’s not fair to them to be put under that kind of stress. Secondly, if they’re not comfortable with your choices – it’s already very difficult to discuss things with doctors who may have different things they want to try, or think are better choices. This is usually a fast-paced crisis time when these conversations are taking place and if you do not have someone who is steadfast and grounded in their obligation to uphold your wishes – there is a good chance that they won’t. Your Health Care Proxy does not need to be a relative. There is a lot of room to choose one that is right for you. They need to be comfortable with what you’re choosing – so tell them why you’re choosing the things you are. Explain it to them. As difficult as it may be to hear, this is the time to give them the rationale behind your wishes – this will make it much more likely that your wishes will be supported later on. The person that you are trusting to speak those decisions for you needs to have a clear understanding of why you want them. You want your Health Care Proxy to be in geographical proximity to where you live, and you also always want to have two so that there is a backup available in case your primary Health Care Proxy is unavailable.

Health Care Proxy Mixers [10:37] – This is a dream/vision of mine in which a group of people who are interested in being Health Care Proxies for one another get together to fill this need. I think this would be a great idea because we currently have an Eldercare Crisis and there is a huge number of the elderly who do not have family. I hear from them all of the time and they are very concerned about who is going to be their Health Care Proxy. We want people to have peace of mind and to know that we’re in this together. For that reason, I think this idea will be useful so that elderly (or anyone) can have the opportunity to get to know each other, share ideas and philosophies, talk about what they would want or not want at the end of life and provide a space for people to explore this subject and then decide to fill that Health Care Proxy role for each other.

Memorable Quotes:

 “It is written in many places that a Health Care Proxy is the person you choose to make medical decisions for you if you’re unable to speak for yourself. That is untrue. They’re not making the decisions - you are. There’s a big difference there.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

“We have an Eldercare Crisis and many elderly people do not have children or family. I hear them say all the time, ‘Suzanne, who is going to care for me? Who is going to speak for me? Who is going to be there for me at my end of life because I don’t have any family?’ We’ve got to find ways to support people.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE: https://www.doulagivers.com/death-doula-guide-2/

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP AND TRAINING SITE HERE: https://www.facebook.com/groups/4491664174178077

Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel! Please Rate & Review the Podcast!!! xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask A Death Doula Podcast: How to Choose the Right Health Care Proxy for You

Big Ideas:

What is a Health Care Proxy? [00:20] – There is a document called an Advance Directive. It is split into two parts – a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy. The Living Will states what you want or what you don’t want in terms of care if you were to become terminally ill. The Health Care Proxy is a person appointed by you to speak your wishes listed in the Living Will for you in the event that you become incapacitated and cannot speak for yourself. Depending on what state you live in, a Health Care Proxy may also be known as a Health Care Surrogate, or a Health Care Power of Attorney. The role of this person remains the same regardless of what title is used where you live. Doulagivers Pearl: an Advance Directive is known as a legal document, but it is NOT 100% legally binding. People sometimes think that if they have completed this step that they are completely covered – but that is unfortunately not necessarily true. If a doctor does not agree with the instructions set forth in your Advance Directive, they do not have to legally follow it and the law is on their side. The other issue is that people who have filled out an Advance Directive often do not know where it is when they need it – it does not do us any good if we don’t have it ready. There are ways around this, and we will be discussing them. It is written in many places that the Health Care Proxy is the person that will make medical decisions for you if you cannot make them for yourself – this is incorrect. The Health Care Proxy is the person you have chosen to speak the decisions you have already made in your Living Will if you cannot communicate your wishes yourself for any reason. There is a huge difference.

 

How to Choose a Health Care Proxy [4:04] – If the person you would like to be your Health Care Proxy is not comfortable with what you have chosen, they should not be your Health Care Proxy. Why? It’s not fair to them to be put under that kind of stress. Secondly, if they’re not comfortable with your choices – it’s already very difficult to discuss things with doctors who may have different things they want to try, or think are better choices. This is usually a fast-paced crisis time when these conversations are taking place and if you do not have someone who is steadfast and grounded in their obligation to uphold your wishes – there is a good chance that they won’t. Your Health Care Proxy does not need to be a relative. There is a lot of room to choose one that is right for you. They need to be comfortable with what you’re choosing – so tell them why you’re choosing the things you are. Explain it to them. As difficult as it may be to hear, this is the time to give them the rationale behind your wishes – this will make it much more likely that your wishes will be supported later on. The person that you are trusting to speak those decisions for you needs to have a clear understanding of why you want them. You want your Health Care Proxy to be in geographical proximity to where you live, and you also always want to have two so that there is a backup available in case your primary Health Care Proxy is unavailable.

 

Health Care Proxy Mixers [10:37] – This is a dream/vision of mine in which a group of people who are interested in being Health Care Proxies for one another get together to fill this need. I think this would be a great idea because we currently have an Eldercare Crisis and there is a huge number of the elderly who do not have family. I hear from them all of the time and they are very concerned about who is going to be their Health Care Proxy. We want people to have peace of mind and to know that we’re in this together. For that reason, I think this idea will be useful so that elderly (or anyone) can have the opportunity to get to know each other, share ideas and philosophies, talk about what they would want or not want at the end of life and provide a space for people to explore this subject and then decide to fill that Health Care Proxy role for each other.

 

Memorable Quotes:

“It is written in many places that a Health Care Proxy is the person you choose to make medical decisions for you if you’re unable to speak for yourself. That is untrue. They’re not making the decisions - you are. There’s a big difference there.”

– Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

“We have an Eldercare Crisis and many elderly people do not have children or family. I hear them say all the time, ‘Suzanne, who is going to care for me? Who is going to speak for me? Who is going to be there for me at my end of life because I don’t have any family?’ We’ve got to find ways to support people.”

– Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

Resources:

Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE:

https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP AND TRAINING SITE HERE:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...

 

Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel!

Please Rate & Review the Podcast!!!

 

xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask A Death Doula Podcast: What is a Shared Death Experience?

Big Ideas:

1.What is a Shared Death Experience [6:56] – A shared death experience occurs when somebody is dying and a caregiver, loved one, or a bystander feels like they shared in that person’s transition. In some cases, this person will observe the initial stages of the afterlife – where they see the dying person there or sense that it is where they are going. It is sharing the journey of the experience with the dying person. It is the movement from this human experience through the portal of death to another realm of existence and the observer feels like they shared in that journey.

 

2.There are 4 Types of Shared Death Experiences [8:49] – These are “modes of participation” for the experiencer. There are four ways a person can feel themselves in the shared death experience. The first and most common type is sensing. Sensing that a loved one or some person is transitioning. It can be bedside but is most commonly remote. You can be halfway around the world and have a sense that someone you love is dying. It is usually highly energetic and intuitive – a knowing that you feel in your gut. The second type is witnessing phenomena related to death or death itself. Witnessing the dying person in this stage of transition or elevated beings/heavenly realms in the form of luminous light, etc. The third mode of participation is accompanying. You can accompany or move along with the dying person on the pathway to the afterlife. The last and final mode is guiding. The experiencer reports that they were brought into the experience to guide the dying along their pathway.

 

3. Pre-Death Dreams, Visions, and Visitations [14:44] – Research provided by Dr. Christopher Kerr from the Buffalo inpatient Hospice says that 80% of his patients have a pre-death dream or vision. The term “dream” is used loosely – these usually come in the form of visitations from deceased loved ones that is observed by the caregiver (the patient is telling them they see the person or is having a conversation with them). At some point, the death of the person begins and the journey to transition starts. Often the messaging from these visitations to the dying person is to “get ready.” The shared death experience begins when that journey begins. The science of physics supports the fact that energy cannot be destroyed – it can only change forms.

 

4. The Benefits to the World of Bringing Back the Sacredness of End-of-Life Experiences [20:00] – Acknowledging death as a natural part of life can bring us closer together as communities and families. The awareness of death can allow us to communicate, connect, and express ourselves more effectively. It allows us to love each other with death as part of life instead of something we ignore. To gain the perspective of life being a gift, we must hold death in our minds. Death is as integral to life as birth is and we need to honor it is a society. The approach to death in modern society is not natural. It is a protracted, inefficient, and unhealthy response to the fear of death. Anything we can do to bring death and all its grandeur back into the fold of our conversations and everyday life, the better the benefits could be for all of us.

 

5. Death Changes Our Lives [24:30] – When I got into nursing, I realized how end of life was not going well for people. I transitioned into hospice care thinking it would be better – but it wasn’t. I thought to myself, “How in the world did something that is 100% guaranteed in our journey become so far removed and so feared?” It took a year and a half of my nursing career before I saw a beautiful death and I realized that if people knew how beautiful it could be that they would never be afraid – and that started my journey. We are all so much more similar than we think. It doesn’t matter where you live in the world, how much money you have, what color you are, or what religion you practice – we all die the same way. We all have the same humanity within us. If we just absorbed the fact that we are so much more similar than different and brought that awareness into the world today it would be a game changer. Death has taught me that time is our most valuable commodity, and that life is about connection, not the goals we pursue. Death is not a medical experience, it’s a human one. If we bring that perspective back into our society and take a holistic approach to it, we can really change the way end of life goes for everyone in the world.

 

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE: https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

 

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP SITE HERE: https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...

Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel!

 

xoxoxo Suzanne

Ask A Death Doula Podcast: Forgiveness Will Set You Free with Suzanne O’Brien RN

Big Ideas:

1. The Definition of Forgiveness [1:29] – Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing someone else’s actions. We are all responsible for our actions. We have all done things we are not proud of – making mistakes is part of the human experience. The biggest thing you can do is take ownership of your mistakes and have the humility to ask for forgiveness. Chances are that you were doing the best you could with where you were and with what you had to work with at the time. It does not excuse your actions, but it does explain them. By looking at things from a higher perspective, we can then begin to heal them and let them go. Forgiveness is your key in this life’s journey for transformation and healing. Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing anyone’s behavior or actions, but rather, removing your energetic attachment to their behavior and actions.

 

2. The Energetic Cost of Anger and Resentment [5:00] – It takes a lot of energy to be angry and resentful towards other people. If someone hurt you in the past and you hold onto that hurt every day and it boils over into anger, it is draining your energetic bank account. When you forgive, it sets you free. You have to understand that forgiveness is for you, not for the other person. It’s allowing you to break those mental and emotional chains that are holding you back from living the life of peace you deserve. There is not one person in the world that doesn’t have forgiveness to give or to receive. There are usually many layers on many different topics that have occurred over the course of our life that require forgiveness for us to find closure.

 

 

3. The Stabilization Phase and Forgiveness [6:12] – Remember that this knowledge and wisdom I am sharing with you comes from many people at the end of life. The Doulagivers 3 Phases of End of Life Care Model breaks the dying process into 3 phases (The Shock Phase, The Stabilization Phase, and The Transition Phase). I refer to the Stabilization Phase as the “Work Phase.” This is because this is where people will take inventory of their lives and conduct a life review. This is the moment where forgiveness is going to play a role and where they will have the opportunity to give and receive it. Those who have this phase and utilize it for this purpose have the most beautiful end of life experiences. Forgiveness can bring about an energetic shift. It can make a patient light up as they remove the heaviness of anger and resentment from their lives.

 

4. Unforgiveness [7:28] - When we’re hurt by someone, that hurt forms into an energetic block that becomes frozen in time, and it gets stuck inside of us. We usually push these energetic blocks down below the surface so that we can live our daily lives – it is sometimes too painful for us to confront or process what has happened. This is especially true for children who were hurt by their parents or experienced other forms of childhood trauma. Unforgiveness creates blocked spaces within us and if not processed, healed, or released – will create pain, bad habits, destructive patterns, and unhappiness in our lives. The way to release this is through forgiveness. At the end of life there is a natural process in which the physical body is declining, and the spiritual body is growing – loving energy organically increases during this process which allows for a safe space to emerge that is defined by wisdom and a new perspective and the ability for the end-of-life patient to reflect on painful memories in a less traumatic way and to give and seek forgiveness. This is really powerful because it creates a ripple effect in the lives of others.

 

 

5. The Power of Forgiveness [10:37] – You can utilize the power of forgiveness right now to set yourself free and allow yourself to pursue whatever it is you want in life from this point moving forward. Unforgiveness holds you hostage – it keeps you a prisoner to the past and prevents you from moving forward and doing whatever you want. Forgiveness releases those energies and puts you back in control over your energy flow. Unforgiveness is an actual medical diagnosis. There is a huge connection with anger, pain, guilt, unforgiveness and physical illness. People have told me verbatim that they felt their cancer was the result of unforgiveness and trauma that they didn’t heal and didn’t process. While in Thailand, I visited a temple that was designed for those facing their end of life. There were four main things that they did to help heal themselves and make the most of their remaining time on this earth: they removed all sugar from their diet and ate a plant-based diet, they meditated, they moved the body through exercise, and they did a forgiveness practice. This included writing down what they wanted to receive forgiveness for and what they wanted to give forgiveness for. They would read this to the head of the temple and then had a ceremony to burn it. Many people at this temple told me they were the happiest they had ever been. It was about the freedom of forgiveness – being released from that internal prison and returning to a state of joyful flow, alignment, and connection. You and I can access this gift right now. It is not easy, and it is a process, but it can be done. You have to look at your past painful experiences through a non-judgmental perspective. Ask yourself what those experiences were trying to teach you. It is trying to reach a place where you can actually thank those who hurt you because they gave you an opportunity to accelerate your spiritual growth and look back at your experiences without them being so triggering to you. A place where you can look at those people who have hurt you through a lens of empathy and compassion. Understand that hurt people hurt people. It’s not excusing them or condoning their behavior – but understanding what was driving them so that you can transform your anger into empathy. That is how you can find forgiveness and set yourself free.

 

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Forgiveness is the golden key to everything. It’s the key to all the healing whether we’re holding on to shame, or guilt, or anger, or resentment. All of these things that are part of the human experience - forgiveness is the transformational tool.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

2. “There is not one person in this world that does not have forgiveness to give. There is not one person in this world that does not have forgiveness to receive.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN  

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE

 

... Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP SITE HERE: FREE MEMBERSHIP AND TRAINING SITE 

 

... Please "Like" and "subscribe" to my channel!

xoxoxo Suzanne

 

Ask A Death Doula Podcast: How Bedside Visitations are Helping to Heal Grief

Big Ideas:

1. What are Bedside Visitations [00:59] – Many times there is a space in the end of life where people who have died before “come back” to the bedside of the patient. I am told they return to help the other person cross over to the other side. In the Doulagivers Training, we have a section called, “Indications that Someone is Headed into the Transition Phase.” One of these common indications is that the patient will see loved ones that have died already or even Angelic Figures at the bedside. In my experience, having worked with over one thousand people at the end of life from all different backgrounds, cultures, and religions - people are most often visited by a loved one or family member that has died before them. Not everyone will have this experience or share with you that they had it. It was reported recently that Betty White’s last word before she passed away was, “Allen.” This is the name of her deceased husband and is a great example of what we’re talking about here.

 

2. How does it happen, Why does it happen, What does it mean? [4:00] – If you’ve ever had somebody that you’re caring for or that you loved at the end of life, and they’ve had this experience - you will never look at the world the same way again. Whether or not you believe this is truly happening, as a practitioner, this is a strong indication that this person is getting close to having their end of life. From a scientific standpoint, everything is energy. In the Doulagivers Training, we talk about how we are composed of four main bodies of energy (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual). In my opinion, from having worked with so many people at the end of life, there is a part of the end-of-life journey where the patient’s physical body is diminishing and their spiritual body is growing. There is a moment in time where they meet equally, so essentially the patient has one foot still in this physical world and one foot in the next at the same time. It is incredibly powerful.

 

 

3. A Change of Perspective [6:09] – I have sat bedside with people who have woken up from a nap or overnight sleep with so much new information. Waking up and excitedly exclaiming, “I get it now! It all makes sense!” They act as though all the pieces to the puzzle of life now fit together. Why? Because that spiritual growth within them is providing access to a higher perspective. It provides a sense of all-knowing wisdom, connection, no judgment, and unconditional love and they’re now looking through that lens. They’ve now accessed a higher part of their energetic frequency. It changes everything about how they look at their life. The peace, serenity, and joy that can accompany this experience is indescribable. As a practitioner, when you get to see your patient in that state of serenity and peace, you will hold that in your heart forever. You will look back on that time not with the heaviness of uncomfortable thoughts and pain, but rather, by remembering the energetic and loving space that that person was in. This experience happens often regardless of where in the world the person is, or what culture or religion they belong to – it is a universal theme at the end of life. Death is a unifying force in our humanity, and it is my belief that we are all part of one universal consciousness.

 

4. We Don’t Have to Wait Until the End [9:55] – We can do our work to raise our energetic frequency right here, right now. We don’t have to wait until the end of life when it organically happens. We are in control of how we choose to do things – how we think, speak, and act are all within our control. We can change and strengthen our energetic frequency and perspective right here, right now by being intentional with the way we lead our lives. I have learned everything I know about how to live – to live in flow, to live in love, to live in connection – from the people I have had the honor and privilege to work with at the end of life.

 

 

5. The Bigger Meaning [13:40] – What is life about? Is it so much more than we’ve been taught or that we mostly know and how we’re operating? I absolutely think so. We are all connected to on unconditional loving consciousness. The world and all of nature – the entire universe is tethered together. We need to look out and care for one another. We need to meet each other in compassionate presence without judgment. What is this journey of life about? My belief is that it is the school of life – we are here to learn lessons, to get back to finding our true self before we get to the end of life where it organically happens. Every experience you have is an opportunity to get closer to alignment with your higher energetic frequency. It is the choices you make, the way that you want to live your life every single day – with your thoughts, with your actions, with your purpose, with your compassionate presence – that will change that energetic alignment. You can access it now; you don’t have to wait.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “I have learned everything I know about how to live – to live in flow, to live in love, to live in connection – from the people I have had the honor and privilege to work with at the end of life.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

2. “The universal laws that people at the end-of-life share say that we’re all connected to one unconditional loving consciousness. All of us, all of the animals, all of the elements, all of nature – all of it is connected. So, we need to look out and care for one another.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources:  – Death Doula Guide HERE

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How Dementia Presents at the End of Life

Big Ideas:

1. Defining Dementia and Alzheimer’s [1:35] - Dementia is a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with functions of daily living. Alzheimer’s disease is a mental decline that shows up first as loss of memory function and is a form of Dementia. Brain lesions, called amyloid plaques, accumulate causing a declining ability to cope as brain cells die. It is a neurodegenerative disorder. People can live an average of 7 to14 years after the initial diagnosis. Alzheimer’s disease accounts for 60 to 80 percent of dementia cases. It is the most common form of dementia among older people. Approximately 4.5 million Americans suffer from this disease, which usually begins after age 60. Alzheimer’s disease cannot be cured and is a tremendous burden on caregivers. It is 24/7 care psychologically, physically, and economically. The world population is aging rapidly and there will be more of a prevalence of chronic disease issues as a result – both cognitive and physical. The average life expectancy is currently 81 – medical and scientific advancements could soon push this well into the upper 90s or even past 100. The longer we live, the more likely it is that we will experience chronic issues. Dementia is one of the most difficult chronic conditions to deal with for families (on many fronts). As practitioners, we have to be aware of what those families have most likely been through caring for a dementia patient before we show up for the end-of-life portion of the disease process.

 

2. The Signs of Dementia [4:09] – There is no definitive diagnosis for Dementia. It is most commonly marked by short-term memory loss. Forgetting where you parked the car, forgetting where you put the keys, or what you ate for lunch today are little things that can indicate early onset. Long-term memory tends to stay intact. Safety is always the most important thing to consider regardless of disease process – it is especially important with dementia patients. It is vital to plan ahead so that they don’t end up in dangerous situations due to the condition – put safety measures in place. After memory, the next declines tend to occur with their emotions and inhibitions. Dementia patients can become labile – you will see a reverse presentation of how the person was in their life. For example, someone who was sweet and affectionate can become verbally abusive and combative (and vice versa). It is important to remind the family and loved ones that it’s not them, but rather the disease that is causing these behavioral changes.

 

 

3. Dementia Requires 24/7 Care [8:04] – This disease is typically psychologically, physically, and economically draining on the patient’s family and main caregiver. There is an underlying perpetual crisis with dementia. The indications that someone is experiencing their end of life take place over years with dementia – as opposed to months or weeks with many other disease processes. A rapid decline in food intake that is leading to a measurable level of weight loss is the strongest indication that a dementia patient is entering their end-of-life phase. It can be difficult to keep Hospice services for dementia patients if there is no measurable decline in their condition. Other indications that someone is in decline is if they are: sleeping most of the time, talking to people you don’t see, incontinent, not eating a lot. Before they reach the final phase of this disease, patients will get up and wander and there are safety issues non-stop – it is one of the most burdensome diseases for the caregiver. By the time they are admitted to Hospice, it is now an end-of-life scenario, and the presentation is very different. As a Doulagiver, don’t think you need to know everything about an active Dementia/Alzheimer’s disease process – by the time you get there, they will most likely be bed-bound and very weak compared to the earlier stages of the disease.

 

4. S.E.D. [16:30] – V.S.E.D. stands for Voluntary Stopping Eating and Drinking. Organically at the end of life, the swallowing reflex turns off – it is inevitable that one day the end-of-life patient will no longer be capable of swallowing. This is the first tell-tale sign that they are transitioning and is also a major safety issue. VSED is the conscious choice to take this measure earlier. There is a lot to this – we will have a full podcast episode dedicated to the topic and there is a resource for you below to read. You can request not being fed in your Advance Directive if for whatever reason you can no longer communicate due to dementia or another disease process or injury.

 

 

5. Tips for Caregivers of End of Life Dementia Patients [20:30] – As practitioners, we know this is a hard disease to care for – we want to be sensitive to that and show up for the caregiver. They are usually burnt out by the time we, as Doulagivers, become involved in the process. Rotate respite care for the primary caregiver so that one person doesn’t shoulder all the burden – let them be present in this last moment with their loved one. Have meals delivered to them and make sure they are eating, drinking, and getting adequate physical activity and rest. Caring for the caregiver is so crucial when dealing with dementia.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Having an Advanced Directive is the best way to plan ahead to protect your wishes in the event of developing Dementia and/or Alzheimer’s.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

2. “We have an Eldercare Crisis that is only projected to increase for decades to come. We don’t nearly have the set up to care for them. At all.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources: GET THE FREE  Death Doula Guide HERE

VSED Resource: https://compassionandchoices.org/end-of-life-planning/learn/vsed/

AD for Dementia and Alzheimer’s – refusing food and liquids https://endoflifechoicesny.org/directives/dementia-directive/?fbclid=IwAR3KVCeUAvfGJLgglyXFvpWeIrqeo67T-ElNW5J7trujwIb8KZXK_0gbmKE

The rising prevalence of dementia is a global emergency

https://www.economist.com/leaders/2020/08/27/the-rising-prevalence-of-dementia-is-a-global-emergency?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_c-OBhDFARIsAIFg3exIlbA2gDzVYH9ugbS4QAQh6GirG4lYuZMVCXkrRucSlXOnIEdC8mQaAmkTEALw_wcB

 

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xoxoxo Suzanne