How do we reduce the fear of death? - by learning the truth about it. The Art of Doulagiving

How do we reduce the fear of death? - by learning the truth about it. In this episode of Ask a Death Doula, I have the great pleasure of sharing the Art of Doulagiving Graduate series with Certified Doulagiver Teri-Portugal Gooden.

Teri’s first experience of death was with her beloved Gaga. When alone in the room as Gaga with transition, she sat up and exclaimed with excitement to Teri “Not to be afraid because its beautiful!!!!! And showered Teri with red kisses all over her face just moments before she took her last breath.

  

In this episode, you will hear:

1. When Teri first knew she had the calling to be a Doulagiver [3:06] – Teri had always worked and volunteered with terminally ill patients and even wrote a paper about it in the fourth grade. She always felt strongly about holding space for elderly people. She was profoundly moved by sitting with them and hearing their stories and their conversations at the end of life. Teri had a gift of feeling comfortable in this space and it empowered her to become a Doulagiver. We always encourage anybody who has this innate ability to step forward and answer their calling because so many people out in the world need you and it is such a special way to put love back into the world.

 

2. The importance of talking honestly with children and bringing back the sacredness surrounding death [5:25] – At Doulagivers, we believe one of the best ways to bring back the awareness of death and its sacredness into the natural fold of life is to be honest with children. There are age-appropriate ways to engage with children in the truthfulness of end of life rather than shielding them from that inevitability. One of the greatest gifts you can give children is not removing death from their understanding of life but teach them that it is a natural part of the human life cycle instead.

 

 

3. Gaga and the gift of community taking care of community [6:36] – Teri’s grandmother that she refers to as “Gaga” came to the United States from Ukraine when she was a young girl. Teri’s mother had her when she was young and was divorced when Teri was only two years old – this led Teri to spend a lot of time with her grandmother as she was growing up and they would bond over stories from her grandmother’s journey to America. Part of these stories were about the importance of community – there was a network of immigrant women making sure their entire community was taken care of during that period of her grandmother’s life. They made sure people were fed, provided medical care, birth care, and death care, as well as about anything else that was needed. Not all of these people were Ukrainian either – it was a mixture of people who had immigrated from every corner of the world in search of a better life. The wisdom and the lessons of how giving back is so important from listening to those stories had a huge impact on Teri at a young age and shaped her desire to work with those at end of life.

 

4. Death teaches you that we are connected to something so much greater [11:44] – It is almost indescribable the peace, the serenity, the connection to something so much greater than what we normally think of when working with those at the end of life. It solidifies that there is an omnipresence of us all… and it is love. It’s dropping the physical, human part of us, and having that spiritual part that is so full of light and shine that exists forever. When you feel that and know that - you know the person is no longer with you, but it brings incredible peace to us when losing a loved one. We want people to know that death can be beautiful, that it is sacred, and that it is natural – and teach people the practical skills to be prepared for and to handle end of life well because we know we are all going to get there someday.

 

 

5. How becoming a Doulagiver has led Teri to live a “purposeful life” [18:08] – Teri had worked in a demanding business for thirty years and felt depleted when she decided to close that chapter and take a new direction in life. She wanted to be of service and to live a purpose-filled life. Teri says that once she became a Doulagiver she felt “completely home.” It allows her empathic nature to be fully present, celebrated, and offered to those who need it most. Being a Doulagiver has shown her so much that she says has improved her quality and understanding of life by letting her live in complete authenticity and freedom to be herself. When you’re able to be yourself and not try to fit into other things, it really makes life so much better, and it is a beautiful thing. It allows you to shine out in the world and share your gifts with others.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “There are age-appropriate ways to engage with children in the truthfulness of end of life rather than shielding them from that inevitability. One of the greatest gifts you can give children is not removing death from their understanding of life but to teach them that it is a natural part of the human life cycle instead.” - Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

 

2. “It is almost indescribable the peace, the serenity, the connection to something so much greater than what we normally think of when working with those at the end of life. It solidifies that there is an omnipresence of us all… and it is love. We want people to know that death can be beautiful, that it is sacred, and that it is natural – and teach people the practical skills to be prepared for and to handle end of life well because we know we are all going to get there someday.”- Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Take the FREE End of Life Doula Training HERE: https://www.doulagivers.com

 

Please rate, review and share this podcast and free training to help us reduce the fear of dying for people all over the world. xoxoxo Suzanne